My wife hasn’t spoken to me in 3 days and I have no idea what I did.
Which is fucked up, because I would like to do it again.
Meh Thoughts
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Authorities just found Himalayan there
Did you hear about the guy who collapsed trying to climb Mount Everest?
Authorities just found Himalayan there. -
I think getting Amanda Bynes alone would be the hard part.
I think getting Amanda Bynes alone would be the hard part. Convincing her my cock dispenses thorazine should be a piece of cake.
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Right Up There
Not sure if a colonoscopy is the most painful medical procedure but it’s right up there!
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My Friend Had to Quit His Job Helping Foreign Tourists
My friend had to quit his job helping foreign tourists find a place to sleep while they were traveling.
It was a hostel work environment.
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Hey hey!
Hey hey! Looks like I’m the first person to get out of a speeding ticket faking Ebola! Anyone know a good drycleaners?
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The great thing about convincing mimes to join Fight Club — besides totally beating
The great thing about convincing mimes to join Fight Club — besides totally beating their asses — is knowing they’ll never break rules 1 and 2.
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Those are just contractions
A woman in labor suddenly shouted, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”
“Don’t worry,” said the doctor. “Those are just contractions.” -
I’ll bet that when Audrey Hepburn farted, it sounded like a
I’ll bet that when Audrey Hepburn farted, it sounded like a playful piccolo solo.
