I’ve made provisions in my will to be buried with a roll of breath mints. I figure if I should somehow become part of a zombie army roaming the earth, I may want something minty fresh to take the taste of brains out of my mouth.
Meh Thoughts
-
She gave me permission
My wife said I could be an idiot sometimes.
I think it was pretty cool of her to give me permission.
-
It’s important to speak clearly when ordering something over the phone.
It’s important to speak clearly when ordering something over the phone. I asked the bakery to make an erotic cake, and she sent me a cake covered with pictures of the cast from “Seinfeld.”
-
My girlfriend gave me a musical condom that plays a piccolo minuet.
My girlfriend gave me a musical condom that plays a piccolo minuet. I think she’s trying to tell me something.
-
Stairs: Always Up to Something!
I don’t trust stairs.
They’re always up to something.
-
You saw 9/11 coming? I gave 9/11 the handjob, and you weren’t
You saw 9/11 coming? I gave 9/11 the handjob, and you weren’t even in the room!
-
*Strangling* fish in a barrel, although not as easy, is ultimately more satisfying.
*Strangling* fish in a barrel, although not as easy, is ultimately more satisfying.
-
Moo-spaper
How do cows stay up to date?
They read the moo-spaper.
-
Cheese Wheel Tragedy: A Photographer’s Last Shot
A wedding photographer was today tragically crushed by a 200lb wheel of cheese that fell off the catering truck.
The guests all tried to warn him…
