A snake walks into a bar, the bartender says “How the hell did you do that?”
Meh Thoughts
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Mike Tyson’s Religion
How can you tell Mike Tyson does not like religion?
Because he punches everyone on their faith.
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I’m not on the award committee or anything, but I can pretty much guarantee a Nobel
I’m not on the award committee or anything, but I can pretty much guarantee a Nobel Prize to any scientist who makes cauliflower taste like bacon.
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It never fails.
It never fails. Just looking at photos of Bob Costas makes my eyes itchy. Thank God he doesn’t have crabs.
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I told my wife I would understand if she found another lover after I was gone, because
I told my wife I would understand if she found another lover after I was gone, because life goes on, and she is a beautiful, vibrant woman who should not be alone. However, I meant “gone” as in “dead,” not gone as in “at the office.”
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I went to a christening and now everyone is mad at me.
I went to a christening and now everyone is mad at me. In my defense, it was the first one I ever attended, and I never would’ve thought it would take me that many swings to break a champagne bottle over an infant’s head.
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A lot of guys complain about all the glitter at strip clubs, but I like it.
A lot of guys complain about all the glitter at strip clubs, but I like it. It makes me feel so pretty when I’m swinging on that pole.
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There’s a job opening at the tampon factory. If you’re
There’s a job opening at the tampon factory. If you’re interested, I think I can pull a few strings.
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Pick It Up Along the Way
Do you have to have any special training to be a garbage man, or do you just pick it up along the way?
