I could tell we were in for a long night at work when our supervisor raised a megaphone to his lips and yelled, “Gentlemen, start your catheters!”
Meh Thoughts
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Nothing to stop Aunt Bea and me
I shot the sheriff and the deputy.
Now there’s nothing to stop Aunt Bea and me from being together! -
Why SeaWorld Closed
Why did SeaWorld close?
It was being reporpoised.
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After passing walking down yet another aisle stocked with nothing but organic donuts and
After passing walking down yet another aisle stocked with nothing but organic donuts and bagels, I realized why I enjoy shopping at Hole Foods.
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Once you’ve been a Very Special Guest, I’ll bet being a Special Guest feels like a total
Once you’ve been a Very Special Guest, I’ll bet being a Special Guest feels like a total slap in the face.
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Show it your cross
Two nuns are riding their bicycles through the village when suddenly a vampire jumps out from behind a bush.
The first nun screams to her friend, “Quick, show it your cross!”
“Get the fuck out of the way!” she yells.
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Just a figure of speech
My friend asked me to say a few words at his wife’s funeral, so I stepped up to the podium, cleared my throat, and said, “Curvy, shapely, voluptuous, generously proportioned, full-figured…”
He stopped me and said, “Dude, what are you saying??”
I replied, “Sorry… it was just a figure of speech.”
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Failed Sex Ed
Bobby and Jack got their report cards from school and found they failed sex ed…
Bobby told Jack, “I’m so angry, I want to kick Ms. Williams in the nuts!”
