Meh Thoughts

  • Other words and phrases

    I bought a pen that can write under water…
    It can also write other words and phrases.

  • He’s pure bread

    I can’t take my dog to the park anymore because the ducks keep biting him.
    I should have known better.

    He’s pure bread!

  • I had to put my foot down

    My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo…
    I had to put my foot down.

  • Nothing to stop Aunt Bea and me

    I shot the sheriff and the deputy.
    Now there’s nothing to stop Aunt Bea and me from being together!

  • Try again, Einstein

    Day after day, the same guy keeps taking my favorite parking space at work, so I keep keying the sides of his car. And each morning, he shows up again with it painted a new color and with a different license plate, just to confuse me. Ha! Try again, Einstein!

  • Neurosurgeon Girlfriend

    I had to break up with my neurosurgeon girlfriend. She was messing with my head.

  • The Sax

    I really want to break up with my jazz musician girlfriend, but I can’t.

    The sax is too good.

  • Cold Calls

    Someone just called my phone and sneezed, coughed, and then hung up.

    I’m getting sick of these cold calls.

  • Eclipse Colander

    I was told I could look at the eclipse through a colander.

    I tried it, but it strained my eyes.

  • The Sting Operation

    Did you guys hear about the worldwide sting operation on people who mix drinks?

    Many of them are behind bars right now.

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