I just bought a new blindfold, but I can’t see myself wearing it.
Meh Thoughts
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I would appreciate it as a worm
In my will, I’ve stated that I want my coffin to be made of aluminum foil and my body to be dipped in caramel and chocolate. I know that if I were someday reincarnated as a worm, I would appreciate it if someone had thought of that.
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If you drink Coke Zero, I shall assume you fancy killing hobos for sport.
If you drink Coke Zero, I shall assume you fancy killing hobos for sport.
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It’s a Boy
It was 10 years ago today my best mate James came running out of the room shouting, “It’s a boy!” with tears streaming down his face.
We never went back to Thailand.
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I’d imagine that in those jungle cultures where people subsist on bugs, it would make
I’d imagine that in those jungle cultures where people subsist on bugs, it would make sense to have at least a “30-second rule” if you were to drop your lunch on the ground.
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The Difference Between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson
What was the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson?
Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon, and Michael Jackson fucked kids.
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As the nurse unwrapped the bandages, I was horrified to discover I now looked like Tom
As the nurse unwrapped the bandages, I was horrified to discover I now looked like Tom Wopat. That quack plastic surgeon must have given me Luke-tox injections by mistake.
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My dentist asked me if I had a problem with my gums bleeding.
My dentist asked me if I had a problem with my gums bleeding. You’d have to be really laid back not to have a problem with something like that.
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My favorite part of working out in one of those 24-hour gyms is you can get three, maybe
My favorite part of working out in one of those 24-hour gyms is you can get three, maybe four, visits in before some nosy insomniac complains about “That 3 a.m. Naked Treadmill Guy.”
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The main thing my family didn’t like about the ravioli I made from scratch last night
The main thing my family didn’t like about the ravioli I made from scratch last night was my use of staples to seal the meat in the ravioli.
