Meh Thoughts: Dark Shower Thoughts & One-Liners

My family finding that

If I die right now, my last Google search will be “carry testicles in milk crate,” so I look forward to my family finding that.

Well, I guess I’m not going to host a foreign exchange student

Well, I guess I’m not going to host a foreign exchange student after all. Here’s a tip: You don’t want to specifically ask to get a sexy uninhibited Italian girl with huge tits. That seems to raise a red flag with the interviewers.

Wouldn’t it be great if pharmacies had people handing out samples like they do at the

Wouldn’t it be great if pharmacies had people handing out samples like they do at the supermarket? I guess the drug companies just aren’t as market-savvy as those pork rind people.

It’s not a loophole — it’s a policy flexibility assurance aperture.

Just when I was reconsidering marketing a new sex toy, a

Just when I was reconsidering marketing a new sex toy, a mysterious voice reminded me: “If you build it, they will come.”

The Eggnog Alibi

I miss the holidays. It’s the only time of year when you can get away with telling people that the stain on your dress is really eggnog.

I like threesomes with two girls and one guy better than those

I like threesomes with two girls and one guy better than those with two guys and one girl. It makes sense, given human nature: See, girls like variety while guys only like pussy.

Cheese in the nose

Instead of calling a conclusion that does not follow from the underlying logic a non sequitur, which is Latin for “it does not follow,” I think naming it for the Latin phrase for “cheese in the nose” would have made less, and thus more, sense.

Epiphany

I had an epiphany today: I finally realized what the word epiphany means.

If it’s legal to own a tiger in Texas, does that mean it’s also

If it’s legal to own a tiger in Texas, does that mean it’s also legal to have sex with it?

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