A woman in labor suddenly shouted, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”
“Don’t worry,” said the doctor. “Those are just contractions.”
Meh Thoughts
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Those are just contractions
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Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle is very well named.
Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle is very well named. Despite my physics professors having explained it to me dozens of times, I’m still not sure what it’s all about.
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Cockatoo
Do you happen to own a parrot?
‘Cause you look like you could handle a cockatoo.
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My gang name is The Toaster, cuz if you stab a fork in me, I
My gang name is The Toaster, cuz if you stab a fork in me, I will fuck you up. Also, I can lightly brown a bagel like a motherfucker.
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Looking in Alderaan Places
If you came here expecting me to drop some awesome Star Wars puns today…
I’m afraid you’re looking in Alderaan places.
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I was visited by three ghosts this Christmas.
I was visited by three ghosts this Christmas. They were all family members, and technically they were all still alive, but I just find it comforting to imagine they’re already deceased.
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No Canaries in Canary or Virgin Islands
There are no canaries on Canary Island. The same thing is true about the Virgin Islands.
There are no canaries there, either.
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My grandfather lived to be over 100 years old, but I still feel that in an important way
My grandfather lived to be over 100 years old, but I still feel that in an important way he died too soon. If he could have waited until later in the week, I could’ve used the funeral to string together a three day weekend.
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Why Is the Bible Like a Penis
Why is the Bible like a penis?
You get it forced down your throat by a priest.
