Handy household tip: When realigning a screen door that’s slipped off the track, try using “shit piss motherfucking cocksucker.”
Meh Thoughts
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Maybe my expectations have changed, but it’s just not a real firework show unless
Maybe my expectations have changed, but it’s just not a real firework show unless they’re launched from Katy Perry’s bosom.
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Whenever I see that painting “The Scream,” I try to imagine that the man is wearing
Whenever I see that painting “The Scream,” I try to imagine that the man is wearing earphones and singing, because that way it looks like he’s having fun.
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I Told My Wife I Wanted to Be Cremated
I told my wife I wanted to be cremated.
She made an appointment for Tuesday.
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I didn’t want to tell the owner of the shoe store how to run his business, but I still
I didn’t want to tell the owner of the shoe store how to run his business, but I still think his “No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service” sign was costing him a lot of potential customers.
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that end in loud, intense orgasms — all while wearing my granny
that end in loud, intense orgasms — all while wearing my granny panties.
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She Was a Mathmachicken
I had a hen who could count her own eggs.
She was a mathmachicken.
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If you ask me, Hallmark’s missing out on the untapped “Happy
If you ask me, Hallmark’s missing out on the untapped “Happy MILF Day” card market.
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HTHDIKWJWD: How the hell do I know what Jesus would do???
HTHDIKWJWD: How the hell do I know what Jesus would do???
