I like chicks unshaven down there. No woman who can’t even support a colony of crab lice is gonna raise MY kids.
Meh Thoughts
-
I didn’t think it hurt that much
I said to my wife, “They say that childbirth is the most painful thing someone can experience…”
“Now, maybe I was too young to remember, but I didn’t think it hurt that much.” -
I get pretty upset whenever I hear about someone overdosing on drugs.
I get pretty upset whenever I hear about someone overdosing on drugs. I mean, that’s just a waste of perfectly good drugs. So selfish.
-
When you’re saving for retirement, it’s important to diversify.
When you’re saving for retirement, it’s important to diversify. Example: I have 33% of my savings in stocks, 33% in bonds and 34% in Chuck E. Cheese game tokens. I plan on whacking a ton of moles and playing a buttload of skee ball in my golden years.
-
I like threesomes with two girls and one guy better than those
I like threesomes with two girls and one guy better than those with two guys and one girl. It makes sense, given human nature: See, girls like variety while guys only like pussy.
-
Heroic Kidney Donors: Questions Beyond Three
Donate a kidney and you’re a hero.
Donate three and it’s nothing but questions.
-
Number One
Last night, my girlfriend told me that I’m her “number one.” That’s just great: Not only does she see another man, but I’m more numb than he is.
-
I try listening to my heart, really I do
I try listening to my heart, really I do.
-
Many Kurdish freedom fighters died to bring us the following information: Being a
Many Kurdish freedom fighters died to bring us the following information: Being a Kurdish freedom fighter basically sucks.
