Nothing kills a good orgasm like that condescending “Shhhh!” from the librarian.
Meh Thoughts
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Ruthless
A friend of mine just texted his girlfriend Ruth and told her that it’s over between them. I can’t believe that he did that over text.
He’s Ruthless.
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Something must be fu#$ed up with my Life Alert notifications.
Something must be fu#$ed up with my Life Alert notifications. I keep getting messages from Keith Richards saying he’s out of Jack Daniel’s.
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I agree with Theodore Roosevelt, who said, “Speak softly and carry a big stick.”
I agree with Theodore Roosevelt, who said, “Speak softly and carry a big stick.” In my opinion, for a person making fun of someone with laryngitis, nothing will better convey “Hey, back off or I’ll take out your eye — WITH THIS STICK!”
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I taught my testicles to sing the blues. It kinda makes sense,
I taught my testicles to sing the blues. It kinda makes sense, as that’s the color they are most of the time.
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Technically, I *am* in touch with reality.
Technically, I *am* in touch with reality. Getting body-slammed is a form of touching.
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No one was quite the grill-master my father was.
No one was quite the grill-master my father was. People gave him the information he wanted every time.
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In hindsight, when I handed the teller that note demanding $500, I probably should have
In hindsight, when I handed the teller that note demanding $500, I probably should have written my account number on the deposit slip.
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Explaining AI
My daughter asked me to explain AI to her.
I said, “You know how Dad gives wrong answers confidently? It’s like that but faster.”
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Stretching Sentences: A Lawyer’s Favorite Workout
A lawyer’s favorite exercise is stretching one sentence into six billable pages.
