A lawyer’s favorite exercise is stretching one sentence into six billable pages.
Meh Thoughts
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If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my 10 years of working in a law firm, it’s that
If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my 10 years of working in a law firm, it’s that there’s never a good time to say, “Lick me, law-boy!” to the managing partner.
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My girlfriend gave me a musical condom that plays a piccolo minuet.
My girlfriend gave me a musical condom that plays a piccolo minuet. I think she’s trying to tell me something.
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The worst part of giving a handjob is getting his pubes stuck in
The worst part of giving a handjob is getting his pubes stuck in my freshly applied nail polish.
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Don’t let Kevin Bacon die
Ever since Johnny Cash died, we’ve had no cash. Ever since Steve Jobs died, we’ve had no jobs. Please God, don’t let Kevin Bacon die.
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I was all excited when I joined the neighborhood watch group, but it didn’t last long.
I was all excited when I joined the neighborhood watch group, but it didn’t last long. Apparently, they’ve got some weird policy against knocking on doors and demanding protection money.
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Note to self: It’s not “boner-fide” opportunity. Follow-up note
Note to self: It’s not “boner-fide” opportunity. Follow-up note to self: Who cares? I got the job!
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You put your right hand in, you put your right hand out.
You put your right hand in, you put your right hand out. You put your right hand in and shake it all about. Good for doing the hokey pokey; not so much for trying to figure out why your wood chipper stalled.
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I tell people that the reason I’m packing away so much food is that I’m eating for two.
I tell people that the reason I’m packing away so much food is that I’m eating for two. I’m not pregnant or anything, but I do have this “Buy 1 Entree, Get 1 Free” coupon.
