bowel movement and the series of “Batman” movies they made back in the 1990s: They both went on a lot longer than I expected.
Meh Thoughts
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I was a bed wetter when I was a little kid, but I did it on purpose.
I was a bed wetter when I was a little kid, but I did it on purpose. I figured that even a monster wouldn’t want to live under a mattress that smells like piss.
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I understand. You’re making a bullshit argument because over
I understand. You’re making a bullshit argument because over there in bullshit land, the bullshit trees only produce bullshit fruit.
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Turns out it’s actually okay to yell “Fire!”
Turns out it’s actually okay to yell “Fire!” in a crowded theatre, as long as there really *is* a fire in the theatre. I just wish the fire chief and coroner had explained that to me without all of the rude name-calling and swear words.
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When doing a crossword puzzle and asking the person next to you
When doing a crossword puzzle and asking the person next to you to spell the word “pungent,” make sure you’re not looking up from their vagina.
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Consumed by His Own Pride
Did you hear about the arrogant lion tamer?
He was consumed by his own pride.
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I’m just a kid at heart. A huge-titted, porn-watching,
I’m just a kid at heart. A huge-titted, porn-watching, masturbating kid.
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I’d like to teach the world to sing.
I’d like to teach the world to sing. Then maybe we can avoid those atrocious first few weeks of “American Idol.”
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Your Dad Was Better at It
Growing up, my mom would never hit me or my brother.
When I asked her why, she said, “Because your dad was better at it.”
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Ever since I was a teenager, I’ve wanted to look like a rock star.
Ever since I was a teenager, I’ve wanted to look like a rock star. And the older I get, the more I look like the rock stars I grew up listening to.
