If you can stay married to Bill Clinton, is there anything you can’t do? On the other hand, if you’re willing to stay married to Bill Clinton, is there anything you *won’t* do?
Meh Thoughts
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I like my coffee like I like my women: half-digested and culled
I like my coffee like I like my women: half-digested and culled from the feces of the Asian Palm Civet.
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While not well documented, I’d imagine there has to be *someone* of renown whose famous
While not well documented, I’d imagine there has to be *someone* of renown whose famous last words were “OHHHHH SHIT!!!”
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Keep Dreaming Buddy
Called my boss this morning, asked him if I could come in late today because I’m super tired. He said, “Keep dreaming buddy.”
Which was super nice and unexpected of him.
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A Solid 10 But Also Imaginary
My girlfriend is like the square root of -100.
A solid 10, but also imaginary.
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I don’t dislike you because you’re stupid.
I don’t dislike you because you’re stupid. I dislike you because you think you’re smarter than me, despite copious evidence to the contrary.
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(Jilly G.) Hiccups are God’s way of saying, “You ain’t getting
(Jilly G.) Hiccups are God’s way of saying, “You ain’t getting head tonight.”
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When I visited sick kids as a baseball player, I always promised them I’d hit one or two
When I visited sick kids as a baseball player, I always promised them I’d hit one or two bars before the game and knock down a few beers.
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The Movie About a Fish at a Cardboard Company
Have you seen the movie about the fish that works at the cardboard company?
Unfortunately, it flopped at the box office.
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The doctor says I’m allergic to artificial flowers.
The doctor says I’m allergic to artificial flowers. I asked him for a cure and he prescribed me a placebo.
