I donated my old basketball hoop to the school for the blind.
It will be missed.
Meh Thoughts
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I used to think my older sister was possessed by a demon, what with all the levitating,
I used to think my older sister was possessed by a demon, what with all the levitating, growling voices and head-spinning. But then my parents explained that whole PMS thing to me.
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I really enjoy living the single life, but my altar ego thinks I should get married.
I really enjoy living the single life, but my altar ego thinks I should get married.
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A Small Medium at Large
What do you call a psychic little person who escaped from jail?
A small medium at large.
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“There’s a one letter difference between ‘heroes’ and ‘herpes,’
“There’s a one letter difference between ‘heroes’ and ‘herpes,’ so choose wisely, kids.” Why I’m not allowed to speak at schools anymore.
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I call them “tissues” instead of “Kleenex” until one goes into
I call them “tissues” instead of “Kleenex” until one goes into the laundry, then they’re “fucking Kleenex.”
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My dueling partner had a pen, and I had a sword.
My dueling partner had a pen, and I had a sword. I gave him the mightier weapon, so I don’t see what his heirs are so upset about.
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Human DNA + Goat DNA
What do you get when you mix human DNA with goat DNA?
You get kicked out of the petting zoo!
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Invisible
I thought I was invisible, so I went to the doctor…
…unfortunately, he couldn’t see me.
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This Thing Changes Everything
I got a new universal remote last week and let me tell you, this thing changes everything.
