Meh Thoughts

Meh thoughts

Short thoughts for long downward spirals

Browse quick-hit shower thoughts, deadpan one-liners, dark little observations, and questionable micro-rants from Chaotic Meh. They are short, searchable, and emotionally about as stable as a folding chair in a hurricane.

  • I didn’t think it hurt that much

    I said to my wife, “They say that childbirth is the most painful thing someone can experience…”
    “Now, maybe I was too young to remember, but I didn’t think it hurt that much.”

  • I don’t understand couples who like to watch porn while they

    I don’t understand couples who like to watch porn while they fuck. That’s like making Little League baseball players watch the World Series of Fucking during every game.

  • Turns out that is 9:30 pm

    When I was a kid, bedtime was 9:30 p.m. I couldn’t wait to be a grown-up so I could go to bed anytime I wanted.

    Turns out that is 9:30 p.m.

  • Butterflies in my stomach

    I’d never make it on one of those “Survivor” shows. Every time I think about eating something like caterpillars, I start to get butterflies in my stomach.

  • I had to put my foot down

    My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo…
    I had to put my foot down.

  • Too Many Samples: A Sperm Bank Tale

    I got fired because my boss said I was handing out too many free samples.

    That’s the last time I get a job at a sperm bank.

  • I thought my goldfish would thank me for the pizza crusts but

    I thought my goldfish would thank me for the pizza crusts but they just got all wobbly like they didn’t give a fuck.

  • My Real Life

    I would be completely happy to just live in my dreams, if it weren’t for my girlfriend repeatedly changing into Hitler. No, wait a minute — that’s my real life.

  • A ceiling rafter

    I found a guy kayaking in my attic when I got home from work today…

    It turns out he was a ceiling rafter.

  • Jokes About Unemployed People

    I have a lot of jokes about unemployed people.

    But it doesn’t matter, none of them work.

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