“There’s no ‘i’ in team,” my boss told me. I smugly pointed out to him that there’s no “i” in “Fuck you, asshole” either.
Meh Thoughts
-
On the one hand, I’m sad my wife figured out how to turn her old electric toothbrush
On the one hand, I’m sad my wife figured out how to turn her old electric toothbrush into a vibrator. On the other, I really like hew new minty fresh taste.
-
Spreading Butter
Getting a woman to spread her legs is a lot like spreading butter on bread…
You can do it with a credit card, but it’s easier with a knife.
-
I shot a man in Reno, but didn’t stick around to watch him die.
I shot a man in Reno, but didn’t stick around to watch him die. That’s how Johnny Cash got caught.
-
It’s important to speak clearly when ordering something over the phone.
It’s important to speak clearly when ordering something over the phone. I asked the bakery to make an erotic cake, and she sent me a cake covered with pictures of the cast from “Seinfeld.”
-
I hate to see my teenaged daughter so crazy about the hot guy in her school, throwing
I hate to see my teenaged daughter so crazy about the hot guy in her school, throwing herself at him and making a point of being around him as much as possible and over-flirting in the hope that it’ll make him like her more. Guys can smell that desperation and will run in the opposite direction. Besides, *I* want him.
-
I love the nightlife.
I love the nightlife. I got to boogie. But apparently the minister believes those needs don’t meet his lofty standards for “reasons why this couple should not be wed.”
-
Sometimes elderly relatives need a little pick-me-up.
Sometimes elderly relatives need a little pick-me-up. And now, after a little clever programming of their caller I.D. devices, I find nothing taxes that pacemaker like an occasional call from the Grim Reaper.
-
Until Someone Loses an I
I saw a group of kids throwing Scrabble tiles at each other.
It’s all fun and games until someone loses an I.
