True love knows no bounds. But it *does* know how to tie you to the bed and fuck your lights out.
Meh Thoughts
-
Chain It to a Pipe in the Basement
If you really love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, chain it to a pipe in the basement, because you don’t want to take a chance like that twice.
-
She let me put my Bada-boom in her Bada-bing. I’m gonna try for
She let me put my Bada-boom in her Bada-bing. I’m gonna try for her Bada-bung next time.
-
TGIF Shoes
Why did the blonde write TGIF on the insides of all of her shoes?
As a reminder: Toes go in first.
-
Growing up, I loved learning about outer space.
Growing up, I loved learning about outer space. When my idiot parents then suggested I should study to become a cosmetologist, I laughed in their faces. Like I’d be content to be an expert on *just* cosmets — how lame!
-
Aren’t going to work out
I asked my date to meet me at the gym, but she never showed up…
Guess the two of us aren’t going to work out. -
Sometimes life just hands you lemons.
Sometimes life just hands you lemons. Other times life throws stones at your glass house, too, because life can be kind of a dick when it drinks.
-
He couldn’t complain
I asked my North Korean friend how it was there.
He said he couldn’t complain. -
Don’t get me wrong, I love watching kids grow up.
Don’t get me wrong, I love watching kids grow up. It’s just that some of them are creeped out by a guy staring at the top of their heads. /@b0nrmunky
-
Two wrongs don’t make a right.
Two wrongs don’t make a right. But 1.84 wrongs squared, plus a slurred “maybe, butonlycuzI’mdrunk” do.
