When my boyfriend started calling me his Rose Garden, I thought it was because I was sweet and smelled nice. Turns out it was because of all the little pricks I’ve had in my bush.
Meh Thoughts
Meh thoughts
Short thoughts for long downward spirals
Browse quick-hit shower thoughts, deadpan one-liners, dark little observations, and questionable micro-rants from Chaotic Meh. They are short, searchable, and emotionally about as stable as a folding chair in a hurricane.
-
Weekend Immune System
I only seem to get sick on weekdays.
I must have a weekend immune system.
-
How did the phrase “balls to the wall” come to mean doing
How did the phrase “balls to the wall” come to mean doing something very quickly? ‘Cause if they were my balls, I guarantee you I would be moving much, much slower.
-
What Do They Have in Common
What does a burnt pizza, a frozen beer, and a pregnant woman have in common?
Someone forgot to take it out.
-
Fool Me -(n) Times
Fool me zero times, shame on nobody.
Fool me -(n) times, where nA = {x ∈ ℝ | 0 < x ≤ 1}, -(shame) on you.
-
Stop pretending that I cared
My wife stopped pretending to have orgasms years ago. That’s all right with me, though, because it allowed me to stop pretending that I cared.
-
I don’t know if “Topless Webcamming” can be considered a skill,
I don’t know if “Topless Webcamming” can be considered a skill, but what the fuck, it’s going on the resume.
-
That guy from You’re So Vain
You know, someone should introduce that woman from “Killing Me Softly,” who thinks the guy is singing about her, to that guy from “You’re So Vain.”
-
It must be the cobblestone
Two nuns are riding their bicycles through the village. One says, “I’ve never come this way before.”
The other replies, “Me neither. It must be the cobblestone.” -
Head Cleaner
Just found a really old porno on VHS, called Head Cleaner.
Sounds hot.
