Someone should put up a sign next to a NASCAR track reading “FREE BUDWEISER, NEXT RIGHT.”
Meh Thoughts
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“GIVE ME MORE BALLS!” -me, playing this Arkanoid game
“GIVE ME MORE BALLS!” -me, playing this Arkanoid game
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A cavity search
How do you know if your dentist was a corrections officer before?
If he wants to do a cavity search. -
When choosing between two evils, be advised: If you use the “eenie-meenie-minie-mo”
When choosing between two evils, be advised: If you use the “eenie-meenie-minie-mo” method, you’ll always end up with the second one.
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Girl, you must be a McCafe mocha cuz you looked better in the ad, you’re not worth what
Girl, you must be a McCafe mocha cuz you looked better in the ad, you’re not worth what I paid, and afterward I’ll be nauseous and full of regret. /@rmfnord
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Calendar Company
Why did the employee at the calendar company get fired?
He took a day off.
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I don’t know why some people don’t believe in sex before marriage.
I don’t know why some people don’t believe in sex before marriage. If you ask me, it’s a hell of a lot more believable than sex AFTER marriage!
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Recruit a few disciples
When I face a problem, I stop and ask myself, “What would Jesus do?” It works. Drinking wine, sitting around talking, drinking more wine, telling parables, drinking more wine, and talking to God really does pretty much solve any problem I have. Now if only I could recruit a few disciples.
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My wife thought she could really get me good on April Fool’s Day with her “Whoopee
My wife thought she could really get me good on April Fool’s Day with her “Whoopee cushion on the car seat” gag. But I think I trumped her with the ol’ “backing the sedan through the garage door” routine.
