Meh Thoughts: Dark Shower Thoughts & One-Liners

Between Marathons and Sprints: My Mixed Race Upbringing

My father ran the marathon but my mother ran the 100 meter dash so I grew up with mixed race parents.

Stephen King has a son named Joe.

I’m not joking, but he is.

I like dating really short guys so that when we get into a fight, I can piss them off by saying, “We’re not currently seeing tit-to-eye.”

I went to a restaurant run by midgets and the service was terrible.

In their defense, they’re short staffed.

I greeted my husband at the door wearing nothing but Saran Wrap. But the other bitchy

Why do women love Jesus?

Because he was (spreads arms) hung like this.

Ever since Johnny Cash died, we’ve had no cash. Ever since Steve Jobs died, we’ve had no jobs. Please God, don’t let Kevin Bacon die.

I think “totally suckable nipple” is an awesome name for a band! But yes, I agree, it wasn’t the best choice for the elementary school chorus.

When my girlfriend got pregnant, a lot of things changed.
Like my name, my phone number, and my address.