I always felt those Farm Aid concerts were an awesome idea because I know first-hand how tough it is being a small farmer these days — especially when the DEA keeps burning your crop before you can harvest.
Meh Thoughts
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Women sure are hard to figure out. My new girlfriend makes a big
Women sure are hard to figure out. My new girlfriend makes a big point of telling me she likes really rough sex, then she gets all pissed off about my sandpaper condom invention.
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I finally went on an excursion with Celebrity Cruise Lines, and there was a whole lot
I finally went on an excursion with Celebrity Cruise Lines, and there was a whole lot less drunken hoohah-flashing than I’d hoped for.
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It isn’t a midlife crisis if it kills you instantly.
It isn’t a midlife crisis if it kills you instantly.
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Contrary to what my mom says, I don’t lack ambition.
Contrary to what my mom says, I don’t lack ambition. I’ve already made plans to be buried with a shotgun and a box of shells so that someday I’ll be the most badass zombie EVER.
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There is literally nothing in the world you could name that men
There is literally nothing in the world you could name that men haven’t jerked it to or tried to fuck.
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You should never throw the baby out with the bathwater.
You should never throw the baby out with the bathwater. That’s why they make the drains so small.
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I saved some $5,000 in potential counseling bills trying to cure
I saved some $5,000 in potential counseling bills trying to cure my scat fetish, and all it took was having to change my twin nieces’ diapers over the holiday weekend.
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Perhaps one day we’ll have technology to keep the seat belt from
Perhaps one day we’ll have technology to keep the seat belt from getting slammed in the door. Or to keep men from sitting on their balls.
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They’ll Turn on You
Never trust a doorknob.
They’ll turn on you.
