I took my lifeguard certification test the other day, but failed miserably. It turns out you need to do more than just run up and down the beach in slow motion.
Meh Thoughts
Meh thoughts
Short thoughts for long downward spirals
Browse quick-hit shower thoughts, deadpan one-liners, dark little observations, and questionable micro-rants from Chaotic Meh. They are short, searchable, and emotionally about as stable as a folding chair in a hurricane.
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Too Much History Between Us
I was at the museum, and I suddenly saw my ex on the other side of the exhibition hall. I didn’t go and say hello though.
There was too much history between us.
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The Last Thing You Want to Hear
When I was getting my physical, at one point the doctor told me I’d feel a small prick.
Definitely the last thing you want to hear before a prostate exam.
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With my pants around my ankles, I’m having a jet of water shot
With my pants around my ankles, I’m having a jet of water shot up my ass. Guess which room of the house I’m in? Yep, your mom’s bedroom.
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Embracing the Average: A Surprising Truth
Half of the people you know are below average.
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Today’s lesson: “Right” versus “correct” Wife: “What are you
Today’s lesson: “Right” versus “correct” Wife: “What are you thinking about right now?” RIGHT answer: “Not much. just how much I love you.” CORRECT answer: “How much I love you giving it to Taylor Swift with a Hello Kitty strap-on in a kiddie pool full of tapioca pudding in my fantasies.”
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(Amy Peterson) You can assume the cantina’s hot sauce is going
(Amy Peterson) You can assume the cantina’s hot sauce is going to do a number on your sphincter when you hear Johnny Cash’s “Ring of Fire” playing in the waiting area.
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Three Tons of Hair Stolen from Wig Factory
Three tons of hair was stolen from a wig factory.
Police are combing the area.
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After months and months of begging, I finally got to see my
After months and months of begging, I finally got to see my long-distance girlfriend’s amazing naked body via webcam today. Now I just pray she doesn’t find the hidden camera.
