I shot the sheriff. I also shot the deputy. And if the deputy had been wearing shoes, I’d have given them to the guy who was bitching because he had none. Then I would have taken him fishing. Hey, it’s not every day you can nail three cliches that easily.
Meh Thoughts
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Van Gogh Coffee Table
I just bought an original Van Gogh coffee table.
I know it’s authentic because there’s a bit of veneer missing.
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Ugly and Poor
Women call me ugly only until they find how much I make.
Then they call me ugly and poor!!
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Makeup Sex
My girlfriend surprised me the other day by suggesting we should have makeup sex, then for some reason she screamed and slammed the door on me when I showed up in my Gene Simmons KISS costume. Needless to say, we’re fighting again.
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Contrary to what my mom says, I don’t lack ambition.
Contrary to what my mom says, I don’t lack ambition. I’ve already made plans to be buried with a shotgun and a box of shells so that someday I’ll be the most badass zombie EVER.
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You Carry the One
How do you get 100 math teachers into a room in which only 99 fit?
You carry the one.
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The Movie About a Fish at a Cardboard Company
Have you seen the movie about the fish that works at the cardboard company?
Unfortunately, it flopped at the box office.
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Lawyers vs. Catfish: A Scummy Comparison!
What’s the difference between a lawyer and a catfish?
One is a lowdown scum sucker, and the other is a fish.
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Geology Rocks, but Geography Is Where It’s At
Geology rocks, but geography is where it’s at.
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Using the men’s room stall immediately after another guy left me torn between being the
Using the men’s room stall immediately after another guy left me torn between being the pleasure of having a warm seat versus being the disgust at using another dude’s ass-heat.
