I’m not a hairdresser, but a friend of mine asked me to do their hair like a Rastafarian.
I’m dreading it.
Meh Thoughts
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Did you hear that Apple revealed a new device today that tells a dad joke at the push of a button?
Did you hear that Apple revealed a new device today that tells a dad joke at the push of a button?
They’re calling it the iRoll.
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What I did to that hooker last night was so epic, it’ll go down
What I did to that hooker last night was so epic, it’ll go down in the anals of history.
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Sundays Are Always a Little Bit Sad
Sundays are always a little bit sad.
But the day before is a sadder day.
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I used to hate it when some glib moron would tack on “…if I told you, I’d have to kill
I used to hate it when some glib moron would tack on “…if I told you, I’d have to kill you” to the end of a sentence. Now I secretly record those guys — if I’m ever murdered, all these morons will get taken in for questioning.
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I found out recently that few words are more powerful than “cleavage.”
I found out recently that few words are more powerful than “cleavage.” You can place it with 10,000 others in an employee review, and it’s still the only one your lawyers want to talk about.
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I admit, I am as attracted to a pretty woman in a nice outfit as much as the next guy,
I admit, I am as attracted to a pretty woman in a nice outfit as much as the next guy, but I prefer to think that it’s what’s inside her pants that is most important.
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My girlfriend is ridiculously sexy. In fact, she brought the
My girlfriend is ridiculously sexy. In fact, she brought the sexy back so far, I had to buy a DeLorean just to sleep with her.
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I am fuck’s biggest fan. I stalk fuck. Why can’t life be more
I am fuck’s biggest fan. I stalk fuck. Why can’t life be more like fucking all the time?
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I really enjoy writing my Ruminations while totally naked. But
I really enjoy writing my Ruminations while totally naked. But the manager at Burger King keeps telling me it’s a health code violation.
