IDEA! A free sip of strong espresso before you order at the coffee shop. So nobody’s drink goes cold while they’re waiting in line to shit.
Meh Thoughts
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Took Me Back
The other day, I was thinking about the time I put my very first car into reverse. Man, that took me back.
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She didn’t have any super powers; but with a name like “Commander Crotch Punch,” I
She didn’t have any super powers; but with a name like “Commander Crotch Punch,” I suspect she really didn’t need them.
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A bad day of skydiving is better than…
A bad day of skydiving is better than… No, come to think of it, a bad day of skydiving could be *really* bad. Okay then, a bad day of skydiving that’s not so bad as to involve ambulances is better than a good day at work.
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They say that unless you’re the lead dog, the view never changes.
They say that unless you’re the lead dog, the view never changes. But it’s not really that bad if the bitch in front of you has a great ass.
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Lawyer Overboard: Throw Another Lawyer!
If a lawyer falls overboard in shark infested waters, what do you throw in the water?
Another lawyer.
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He had squatter’s rights
Why didn’t the personal trainer get kicked out of his apartment?
He had squatter’s rights.
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Two wrongs don’t make a right.
Two wrongs don’t make a right. But 1.84 wrongs squared, plus a slurred “maybe, butonlycuzI’mdrunk” do.
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I think that for Halloween I’ll dress as a candy bar with a sign
I think that for Halloween I’ll dress as a candy bar with a sign that says “Eat Me,” then visit Overeaters and Sex Addicts support groups and see who cries more.
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A lot of loud swearing sounds
I don’t know about trees, but when I was alone in the forest and I fell down, I made a lot of loud swearing sounds.
