In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man may be king, but the blind guy with the 12-inch weiner is still more popular at parties.
Meh Thoughts
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I kind of understand my long-distance girlfriend’s sudden
I kind of understand my long-distance girlfriend’s sudden decision to want to sleep with local guys when I’m not around. Her desire to sleep with them when I *am* around is more troubling.
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Show it your cross
Two nuns are riding their bicycles through the village when suddenly a vampire jumps out from behind a bush.
The first nun screams to her friend, “Quick, show it your cross!”
“Get the fuck out of the way!” she yells.
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Michael Jackson put out some very good albums
Michael Jackson put out some very good albums.
But I think we can all agree his 7th album was Bad.
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Just as I was about to slip some more company pens and note pads into my pocket, that
Just as I was about to slip some more company pens and note pads into my pocket, that small inner voice stopped me, saying, “Jerry, don’t do that. It’s wrong.” Then it added, “Why don’t you kill everybody here instead?”
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Our baby daughter always fights being laid into bed.
Our baby daughter always fights being laid into bed. Sure, it can be pretty annoying now, but I hope it takes at least 18 more years for her to outgrow it.
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I’d never vote for another Bush for president, but I might be
I’d never vote for another Bush for president, but I might be persuaded to cast one for “Shaved Clam.”
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Ain’t no sunshine when she’s gone.
Ain’t no sunshine when she’s gone. And frankly, the money to be had by blackmailing the agriculture and tourism industries outweighs my gut-level revulsion at having a weather-controlling freakazoid girlfriend.
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I heard Houdini was great at coming out of a box when you least
I heard Houdini was great at coming out of a box when you least expected it. Big deal — sounds like every man I ever dated.
