My possessions no longer possess me. They sold me to a new owner last week.
Meh Thoughts
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To me, the fascinating thing about the “infinite monkeys on infinite typewriters” thing
To me, the fascinating thing about the “infinite monkeys on infinite typewriters” thing is that, like the majority of human writers, mostly what they’d produce is dung.
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Digging in Her Heels
A guy tells his buddy, “I’ve had enough of my wife. Today I told her that what she’s wearing isn’t appropriate for gardening.”
“What happened?” his buddy asks. “Did she listen?”
And the guy says, “Nope. She’s digging in her heels.”
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I wish my blind date hadn’t told me he was a poultry farmer,
I wish my blind date hadn’t told me he was a poultry farmer, because now I feel compelled to keep checking out his cock.
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Which Vowel Is the Most Important
The other day, a friend and I had this long pointless argument as to which vowel is the most important.
I won.
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I think a better name for a threesome is “Trifuckta
I think a better name for a threesome is “Trifuckta.”
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Word to the wise: No matter how good the sex was, never
Word to the wise: No matter how good the sex was, never high-five your dick.
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Darcy’s First Theorem of Parking Effort: The longer you are willing to drive around a
Darcy’s First Theorem of Parking Effort: The longer you are willing to drive around a crowded parking lot trying to find an even closer space, the bigger your butt is.
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She let me put my Bada-boom in her Bada-bing. I’m gonna try for
She let me put my Bada-boom in her Bada-bing. I’m gonna try for her Bada-bung next time.
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Handy household tip: When realigning a screen door that’s
Handy household tip: When realigning a screen door that’s slipped off the track, try using “shit piss motherfucking cocksucker.”
