Meh Thoughts: Dark Shower Thoughts & One-Liners

I’ll bet it’s hard being an elf. Not only do you spend your

I’ll bet it’s hard being an elf. Not only do you spend your entire life making toys, but you also have a little elf dick.

The other day I went to a paraplegic strip club.

The place was crawling with pussy.

I’ve been saving up all my picked-off scabs in little bags, just in case the local blood bank needs some Folgers crystals.

I’ll bet that when Audrey Hepburn farted, it sounded like a playful piccolo solo.

I hate it when people tell my boyfriend, “You’re so lucky to have such a cute, funny girlfriend.” Have they not noticed the tits?!

I heard Michael Jackson singing about the “Man in the Mirror.” What, was there somebody standing behind him?

My great-uncle Herb was a renowned gardener.
He was a legend in his own thyme.

When I was getting my physical, at one point the doctor told me I’d feel a small prick.

Definitely the last thing you want to hear before a prostate exam.

They say make-up sex is the best, which is lucky, because all my sex is made up.

I just got kicked out of a karaoke bar for singing “Danger Zone” five times.

Apparently, I exceeded the maximum number of Loggins attempts.