What’s more embarrassing than locking your keys in your car at an abortion clinic?
Having to go inside and ask for a coat hanger.
Tone: crude
Crude humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Sick Duck
What’s the difference between you and a mallard with a cold? One’s a sick duck and I can’t remember how it ends, but your mother’s a whore.
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Your Mom and This Chicken
What’s the difference between your mom and this chicken? Your mom is a whore.
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Spreading Butter
Getting a woman to spread her legs is
a lot like spreading butter on bread…You can do it with a credit card but
it’s easier with a knife -
Cameron Diaz Colonoscopy
Doctor: You need to get a colonoscopy
Me: What’s that?
Doctor: It’s a… -
Waiting at the Bottom of the Bridge
A beautiful woman was upset with her life, and about to throw herself off a bridge.
Before she worked up the courage to make that final leap, an obscenely hideous, creepy, stinky homeless chud of a man approached. He got quite near to her and shouted, “WHAT’N THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?” She replied, “Get away from me, I’ve had it with this life and I’m going to die while I still have my dignity.” He says, “YOU AUGHTA LET ME BE THE LAST GUY TO FUCK YOU BEFORE YOU DIE.” She recoiled in horror and responded, “There is absolutely no way that will be my last act on this earth, now leave me in peace!” He says, “OKAY LADY, HAVE IT YOUR WAY. I’LL JUST GO WAIT FOR YOU AT THE BOTTOM DOWN THERE.”
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Wouldnt Watch That If I Were You
look what I found in my mother’s room
Aye man, I wouldn’t watch that if I were you
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The Bank Robbery and the Triplets
So a lady walks into a bank, and right when she gets into the bank it gets held up, and she gets shot three times in the stomach, and she’s pregnant, so that’s no good.
She’s rushed to the hospital and they fix her up. As she leaves she asks the doctor about her baby. The doctor says, “Oh! You’re going to have triplets. Don’t worry, they’ll be just fine, but each one has a bullet lodged in its stomach. Don’t worry though, the bullets will pass through their system through normal metabolism.”
As time goes on the woman has three children, two girls and a boy.
Twelve years later, one of the girls comes up to her mother and says, “Mommy, a very weird thing just happened to me. I was going to the bathroom and a bullet dropped into the toilet.” The woman comforts her and tells her what happened at the bank.
A couple weeks later, the other daughter comes up and goes, “Mom, I was in the bathroom and I heard a ping and there was a bullet there.”
The mother goes, “Honey, don’t worry,” and tells her about the bank.
A month later the son comes in and says, “Mommy, I’ve done a very bad thing!”
“You passed a bullet into the toilet, didn’t you?”
“No, I was jerking off and I shot the dog.”
