Crude humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
Two blondes are trying to estimate the height of a flagpole.
A builder walks past and they explain their problem. He says, “That’s simple, ladies, watch this.”
He unbolts it, lies it flat and measures it. One blonde says to the other blonde, “What a DICK, need to know the height not the fkn length.”
A mortician is working on the last body of the day before he’s going to call it quits. He is amazed by the size of this man’s penis.
He says to himself, “Well, Mr. Shecky Goldstein, you clearly have the largest penis I have ever seen. I’m going to have to take a photo of this to show to my wife.”
He takes the photo, finishes up for the day, and goes home. When he sees his wife, he immediately takes out his phone and shows her the photo of the penis.
She looks aghast, then cries out, “Oh my God, Shecky Goldstein is dead!”
Two brothers, 7 and 5, decide they are old enough to start trying some bad words. They head downstairs to their mum waiting in the kitchen.
The oldest says to her, “Hey bitch, get me some Cheerios.” Before he could blink, his mother slaps him across the head and shouts, “What did you say to me?! Go to your room right now and don’t come out!”
She puts on her best mum smile and turns to the youngest. “Now… What would you like for breakfast this morning?”
“I dunno, but it sure as fuck ain’t Cheerios!”
Little Johnnie had a mutt named Rover. The next-door neighbor, little Susie, had a purebred poodle named Fifi. Fifi came in heat and Rover was able to get to her. Little Susie found them and couldn’t get them apart, so she called Johnnie crying about his mangy mutt ruining her prized poodle.
Little Johnnie came over, walked around the dogs, stuck his finger in his mouth, then stuck his finger up Rover’s backside. The dogs instantly separated and Rover ran away howling.
Susie said, “How did you know that would work?”
Johnnie replied, “Well, old Rover likes to dish it out, but he can’t take it.”
Little Johnny is walking through the park with his father when they see two dogs going at it. Little Johnny points at the dogs and says, “Hey Pop, what’s happening?”
“Son, they’re making a puppy.”
That night Little Johnny walks past his parents’ bedroom and he sees his dad giving it to his mom.
“Hey Pop, what’s happening now?”
“Son, we’re making you a baby brother.”
“Yeah well, flip her over. I’d rather have a puppy!”
A little girl was out with her grandmother when they came across two dogs mating on the sidewalk.
“What are they doing?” asked the girl. The grandmother was embarrassed, so she said: “The dog on top hurt his paw, and the one underneath is carrying it to the doctor.”
The girl thought for a moment, and then said: “They are just like people, aren’t they?”
“What do you mean?” asked Grandma.
“Offer someone a helping hand,” said the girl, “and they will fuck you every time.”
