Tone: crude

Crude humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

If I had a nickel for every lava-lamp menorah I sold this

If I had a nickel for every lava-lamp menorah I sold this season, I wonder if that would be anywhere close to enough to pay to see Jilly G.’s tits?
I like threesomes with two girls and one guy better than those

I like threesomes with two girls and one guy better than those with two guys and one girl. It makes sense, given human nature: See, girls like variety while guys only like pussy.
If you’re stranded at a cannibal commune and forced to eat a

If you’re stranded at a cannibal commune and forced to eat a penis butter and jelly sandwich, at least tell them you’d prefer they used creamy, not chunky.
“It shakes all over like a jellyfish, and I like it, crazy

“It shakes all over like a jellyfish, and I like it, crazy little thing called love.” Wow, Freddie Mercury must’ve been a terrible fuck.
The great thing about elves must be that Mrs. Claus can fuck 10

The great thing about elves must be that Mrs. Claus can fuck 10 or 12 of them before she finally gets tired.
Money may be the root of all evil, but guys with tiny dicks are

Money may be the root of all evil, but guys with tiny dicks are a pretty close second.
I’m gonna get a realistic tattoo of a huge penis on my right

I’m gonna get a realistic tattoo of a huge penis on my right forearm. Then when I do that drunken trick where I open my zipper and stick my arm through it, people will totally freak the fuck OUT.
I started a new meme on Facebook: Enter the first two and last

I started a new meme on Facebook: Enter the first two and last two letters of your last name to uncover your “Alec Baldwin name.” No matter what you enter, the translation results in “FUCK YOU, *THAT’S* MY NAME.”
“HOLY MACKEREL!” I exclaimed as I finally came. I never imagined

“HOLY MACKEREL!” I exclaimed as I finally came. I never imagined how great the sensation would be when fucking a pierced fish corpse.
The thing I find so disgusting about airport bathrooms is you

The thing I find so disgusting about airport bathrooms is you have no idea how many people have smeared a sheen of their semen on the toilet seat before you did.