Tone: dark humor

Dark humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Quiet Night Interrupted by Unexpected Audience

    This guy is nearing the end of his senior year in high school. Unfortunately he still has to share a room with his younger brother who is about 9 years old. One night, he decides to bring his girlfriend home for a little fun. They have bunk beds and the guy notices that his little brother is already asleep on the lower bunk, so he and his gal climb up to the top bunk.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    As you might expect things start to heat up. The guy remembers that his little brother is sleeping below so he tells his girlfriend to whisper, “lettuce” if she wants it harder and “tomato” if she wants a new position. “Lettuce, tomato, lettuce, tomato, lettuce, pull it out,”

    She screams out…”I can’t get pregnant…aaahhhhhhhh”!

    Then the little brother chimes in, “Hey, would you guys stop making sandwiches up there, you’re getting mayonnaise all over my face.”

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail

  • Bubba’s Unexpected Advantage

    A middle aged guy, tired of mowing the lawn, finally breaks down and hires a neighbourhood kid to do the job for him.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    One weekend, the husband is in the bathroom shaving, when Bubba, a kid from around the neighbourhood, comes in after having mowed the lawn for him, and proceeds to pee in the toilet.

    Bubba was rather well endowed and curiosity got the best of the husband and he just had to look. Sure enough, Bubba had the largest penis he had ever seen!!!

    The man asked Bubba, “I don’t mean to be too personal, but how did your dick get that big? I couldn’t help but notice…”

    Bubba laughed and said, “It’s simple, every night before I go to bed, I bang it on the bedpost three times.”

    The husband was excited at the simplicity of this technique and could hardly wait to try it himself. Before he climbed into bed that night, he whipped it out and banged it on the bedpost three times.

    He was just climbing into bed with newfound confidence when his wife sat up, half-asleep and rubbing her eyes, and said, “Is that you, Bubba?”

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail

  • Head Won’t Fit Between The Railings

    Rick, Rob and Kylie went for a night on the town. As they left the nightclub, Kylie slipped and got her head stuck between the railings of the fence opposite the club. Rob decided to take advantage of this and lifted up her skirt, pushed her panties to one side and gave her a good look.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    “Its your turn now, Rick” grinned Rob, but Rick started crying. “Why are you crying, Rick?”

    Rick sobbed “My head won’t fit between the railings..”

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail

  • Doorknob Trouble: Passionate Bathroom Encounter Goes Wrong

    This husband and wife were in the bathroom getting ready to go to work when the husband looked at his wife and said, “I gotta have you!”

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    He backed her up against the bathroom door, pulled down her panties and nailed her. When he finished he started putting his clothes back on and saw his wife still writhing around against the door and he asked, “What’s wrong honey? Didn’t you come? Do you want more?”

    His wife said, “No, no, it’s not that. I’m just trying to get the doorknob out of my ass!”

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail

  • John’s Compliment Comes Back to Haunt Him

    John receives a phone call.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    “Hello,” he answers.

    The voice on the other end says, “This is Susan. We met at a party about 3 months ago.”

    John: “Hmm… Susan? About 3 months ago?”

    Susan: “Yes, it was at Bill’s house. After the party you took me home. On the way we parked and got into the back seat. You told me I was a good sport.”

    John: “Oh, yeah! Susan! How are you?”

    Susan: “I’m pregnant and I’m going to kill myself.”

    John: “Say, you ARE a good sport.”

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail

  • A Dildo in the Dark

    A woman has been married to her husband for ten years, and for all those ten years her husband insisted on making love in the dark. No matter how much she asked him, he would never turn the lights on.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    One night she grew tired of this and turned on the light while they were making love and saw that he was using a dildo on her.

    She says: “Honey, how could you do this! All this time you’ve never told me. Explain yourself immediately!!”

    The husband says: “OK, I’ll explain, but first you have to explain the kids.”

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail

  • Energizer Bunny Dies From Backwards Battery Mishap

    I’m saddened to announce the passing of The Energizer Bunny.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    AP August 22, 1996 – The Energizer Bunny, known best for “going and going and going…” passed away last evening at 12:42am. Upon completion of the autopsy early this morning, the chief medical examiner ruled that the death was caused by acute cardiac arrest, induced by sexual over-stimulation. Apparently, someone put the battery in backwards and the bunny kept coming and coming and coming…

    Foul play has not been ruled out.

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail

  • Weekend at Tut’s

    When a pharaoh died, I bet the servants tried all sorts of tricks to make people think he was just sleeping, because of the tradition of burying the servants alive with the pharaoh to serve him in the afterlife. Kind of a whole “Weekend at Tut’s” thing.

  • Eating a Vegetable

    Q: What is the hardest part about eating a vegetable?

    A: Putting her back into her wheelchair.

  • Duct Tape and a Gerbil

    Why do you have to wrap duct tape around a gerbil?

    So that it doesn’t explode when you sodomize it.