Tone: dark humor

Dark humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Caviar and a Blowjob

    What’s the difference between caviar and a blowjob?

    No difference — you don’t get either of them at home!

  • Multiple Autobiographies

    The cool thing about having multiple personality disorder is that you get to write a shitload of autobiographies!

  • Russian Condom Crisis Gets American Solution

    Gorbachev called Clinton with an emergency: “Our largest condom factory has exploded!” the Russian President cried. “My people’s favorite form of birth control! This is a true disaster!”

    “Mikhael, the American people would be happy to do anything within their power to help you,” replied the President.

    “I do need your help,” said Gorbachev. “Could you possibly send 1,000,000 condoms ASAP to tide us over?”

    “Why certainly! I’ll get right on it!” said Clinton.

    “Oh, and one more small favor, please?”

    “Yes?” “Could the condoms be red in color and at least 10″ long and 4″ in diameter?”

    “No problem,” replied the President and, with that, Clinton hung up and called the President of Trojan.

    “I need a favor, you’ve got to make 1,000,000 condoms right away and send them to Russia.”

    “Consider it done,” said the President of Trojan.

    “Great! Now listen, they have to be red in color, 10″ long and 4″ wide.”

    “Easily done. Anything else?”

    “Yeah,” said the President, “print ‘MADE IN AMERICA, SIZE MEDIUM’ on each one.”

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  • The Cola Wars

    Call me embittered, but I lost a mother and two brothers to the Cola Wars, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to lose my pop!

  • Huh? Magazine

    I’ve been thinking of starting a magazine called “Huh?” for people suffering permanent memory loss. To save money, I could just publish the same issue every month.

  • If Loving You Is Wrong

    If loving you is wrong, then baby, it goes a long way towards explaining the concussion and crushed left testicle.

  • Never Start Off on the Wrong Foot

    Why is a double amputee happier than an able-bodied person?

    Because they never start off on the wrong foot.

  • Removing It From the Church

    What’s the hardest part of being an organ donor?

    Removing it from the church.

  • Really Useful IRS Website

    If the IRS wanted to put something really useful on their website, how about a list of countries that don’t have an extradition treaty with the U.S.?

  • Priest Scandals

    I’m really disturbed about all these priest scandals I keep reading about in the papers. From what I can tell, the average priest is having more sex than I am.