I refuse to look up why Pokemon is trending. Unless some really fucked up porn was released, I’m not interested.
Tone: dark humor
Dark humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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She laughed when she realized it’s “condom” not “condiment,” but
She laughed when she realized it’s “condom” not “condiment,” but she’s not the one with mustard burns on her pecker.
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You saw 9/11 coming? I gave 9/11 the handjob, and you weren’t
You saw 9/11 coming? I gave 9/11 the handjob, and you weren’t even in the room!
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Most people don’t know Santa Claus has a half brother, Ralph
Most people don’t know Santa Claus has a half brother, Ralph Claus, who brings heart-beating-through-yourasshole hangovers on December 26th.
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Minty Fresh Brains
I’ve made provisions in my will to be buried with a roll of breath mints. I figure if I should somehow become part of a zombie army roaming the earth, I may want something minty fresh to take the taste of brains out of my mouth.
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Fatherly Bubble
Nothing can burst your fatherly bubble faster than hearing your daughter come home from a date and saying, “Some nights I don’t know why I even bother to wear panties.”
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Best Costume
A sure-fire way to win “best costume” at the next Halloween party is to have somebody embed a real chainsaw blade into your shoulder.
Timing is crucial, though — you don’t want to pass out from loss of blood after 10 minutes, long before the costume judging begins, like I did.
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Nine Volt Battery
What’s the difference between a nine-volt battery and a butthole?
Everyone knows not to stick their tongue on a nine-volt battery.
