Today I bought two bananas, an apple, and a pack of cigarettes. The cashier looked at me and said, “You must be single, huh?” And I’m like, “How do you know that?”
She said, “Because you’re ugly.”
Tone: dark humor
Dark humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Brown and Rhymes with Snoop
A man got fired from his job for having sex during work hours. When his boss asked why he did it, the man replied, “I don’t know man, she was just lying there naked. I kinda got the hint so we fucked.”
He was never hired at another morgue again.
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Magic Relationship
Wife wanted me to put the magic back into our relationship.
But I don’t think sawing her in half was what she was thinking.
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The Wizard’s Choice
When I was a kid, a wizard gave me a choice — to have a giant dick, or perfect memory.
I forgot which one I picked.
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One Leg
What has one leg and licks balls?
My amputee girlfriend.
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Mirror Mirror
I want to have sex with someone who’s as attractive as I am.
That’s why I always masturbate in front of a mirror.
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Jesus vs. a Frame of Jesus
What’s the difference between Jesus and a frame of Jesus?
You can hang the frame with only one nail.
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Al Roker
Should NBC be concerned? They keep getting communications that affect the weather from some rogue terrorist group called “Al Roker.”
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How much younger she looks
Today I gave the hospital permission to youthanize my grandma. I can’t wait to see how much younger she looks!
