Tone: dark

It promised that any general who stepped down immediately would receive a pension equal to his salary plus $10,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between two points on the general’s body. The generals could choose those points themselves.

The first to agree was an Air Force general. He told the pension officer to measure from the top of his head to the tips of his toes. It came out to six feet. He retired with a check for $720,000.

The second was an Army general. He asked for the distance from the tips of his fingers, with his arms stretched upward, to the tips of his toes. That came out to eight feet. He retired with a check for $960,000.

When the third general, a gray-haired Marine, was asked which two points to measure between, he said, “Measure from the tip of my penis to my testicles.”

The pension officer suggested that perhaps the respected Marine general might want to reconsider, mentioning the generous sums the previous generals had received. But the Marine stood his ground.

A medical officer was called in for such a delicate measurement. He approached the general and asked him to take it out. The general did.

The medical officer placed a ruler at the tip and suddenly recoiled.

“My God!” he exclaimed. “Where are the testicles?”

“In Vietnam,” the general replied.