Tone: darkly humorous

Darkly humorous humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • You never leave fingerprints behind

    The only thing I like about winter is that you wear gloves so much you never leave fingerprints behind.

  • Beat Up a Fifth Grader

    I don’t think I’d do very well on that TV show, “Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?”

    But if they ever have a spin-off called, “Can You Beat Up a Fifth Grader?” I’ll bet I could score some nice consolation prizes.

  • How much younger she looks

    Today I gave the hospital permission to youthanize my grandma. I can’t wait to see how much younger she looks!

  • Nothing to stop Aunt Bea and me

    I shot the sheriff and the deputy.
    Now there’s nothing to stop Aunt Bea and me from being together!

  • Try again, Einstein

    Day after day, the same guy keeps taking my favorite parking space at work, so I keep keying the sides of his car. And each morning, he shows up again with it painted a new color and with a different license plate, just to confuse me. Ha! Try again, Einstein!

  • Make Up Sex

    They say make-up sex is the best, which is lucky, because all my sex is made up.

  • Go Big or Go to Hell

    If it’s 1 or 1,000 sins, you’re still getting sent to Hell. So why not go for 1,000,000 sins and come down here a legend.

  • Clutching Her Purse

    The most offensive thing as a Black man is when you walkin’ down the street and an old white woman clutches her purse… bitch really think she stronger than me.

  • OnlyFans Account

    My wife paid off our house and vehicles with her OnlyFans account.

    She’s gonna freak when she finds out she has an OnlyFans account.

  • Epstein’s Christmas Dinner

    What does Jeffrey Epstein serve for a Christmas dinner?

    Holy infant, so tender and mild.