Tone: edgy
Edgy humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Top 16 Things Overheard During Saddam’s Trial
16. “Let the record show that the defendant has entered a plea of ‘not guilty by reason of oppressive tyranny.’”
15. “Seventeen consecutive life sentences? You can do that time standing on your head, big guy. No, really.”
14. “Mr. Hussein, could you please tell the court why this goat looks at you so fondly?”
13. “Call Rumsfeld. He’ll vouch for me.”
12. “Speaking of WMDs, either we need air conditioning in this courtroom or Saddam has to quit eating prison food.”
11. “Your Honor, Mr. Hussein would like to present evidence implicating the entire state of Florida as the true architect of recent evil.”
10. “And I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren’t for those meddling kids and that dog!”
9. “In Iraq, we understand that torture obtains information, murder instills fear and respect, and attempted genocide puts down rebellions — but Zabibah and the King? A completely inexcusable offense, you vile son of a dog!”
8. “We’ll drop the charges if you’d just please tell us where a WMD is — preferably right before the election.”
7. “Word is that his name around the cell block is Shirley.”
6. “Would jurors number 7 and 12 please put down the RPGs?”
5. “Well, yes, he does kind of look like Billy Joel, now that you mention it.”
4. “He was found living in a hole and has been in prison ever since, yet he still looks healthier than Cheney.”
3. “I would never order the deaths of my fellow citizens. However, we did respond in self-defense after an epidemic of people charged our firing squads, single file.”
2. “Your Honor, the soldiers who found Mr. Hussein would like to apologize to the court for not shooting him instead.”
And Topfive.com’s number one thing overheard during Saddam’s trial…
1. “Bail is set at ‘when monkeys fly out of my butt singing show tunes.’”
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Buzz Off: A Businessman’s Bee Dilemma!
A businessman wants to buy a farmhouse.
After discussing the price and coming to common ground on the terms, they shake hands, and the property is practically sold.
As they do a final walkthrough of the land, the businessman notices a beehive on the property and says, “Please, this needs to be removed—or take them with you. They could sting; it’s dangerous.”
The farmer answers, “They’ve never stung me once since they’ve been here. I’ve never had any problems with them. I understand that you’re afraid, though, so let’s do it like this: I’ll tie you to this tree right here and leave you here butt naked overnight. If any bee stings you, I’ll give you my property for free.”
They agree on those terms and shake hands again.
The next morning, the farmer checks on the businessman and finds him all dried up, skinny, pale, eyes rolled back, and barely holding himself up.
The farmer is shocked at the sight and says, “I want to apologize. This was a terrible idea. They never stung me or anyone who ever came by. Tell me, how many stung you?”
The businessman, barely speaking, says, “None… but tell me, does that calf of yours not have a mother?”
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Polish Women: Monthly Challenges and GED Tests
What’s long, hard and given to most Polish Women at Least once a month?
A GED Test
