Tone: edgy

16. “Let the record show that the defendant has entered a plea of ‘not guilty by reason of oppressive tyranny.’”

15. “Seventeen consecutive life sentences? You can do that time standing on your head, big guy. No, really.”

14. “Mr. Hussein, could you please tell the court why this goat looks at you so fondly?”

13. “Call Rumsfeld. He’ll vouch for me.”

12. “Speaking of WMDs, either we need air conditioning in this courtroom or Saddam has to quit eating prison food.”

11. “Your Honor, Mr. Hussein would like to present evidence implicating the entire state of Florida as the true architect of recent evil.”

10. “And I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren’t for those meddling kids and that dog!”

9. “In Iraq, we understand that torture obtains information, murder instills fear and respect, and attempted genocide puts down rebellions — but Zabibah and the King? A completely inexcusable offense, you vile son of a dog!”

8. “We’ll drop the charges if you’d just please tell us where a WMD is — preferably right before the election.”

7. “Word is that his name around the cell block is Shirley.”

6. “Would jurors number 7 and 12 please put down the RPGs?”

5. “Well, yes, he does kind of look like Billy Joel, now that you mention it.”

4. “He was found living in a hole and has been in prison ever since, yet he still looks healthier than Cheney.”

3. “I would never order the deaths of my fellow citizens. However, we did respond in self-defense after an epidemic of people charged our firing squads, single file.”

2. “Your Honor, the soldiers who found Mr. Hussein would like to apologize to the court for not shooting him instead.”

And Topfive.com’s number one thing overheard during Saddam’s trial…

1. “Bail is set at ‘when monkeys fly out of my butt singing show tunes.’”