When you hear the beginning of Under Pressure but it turns out to be Ice Ice Baby
Those bastards lied to me.
Tone: humor
Humor humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Not Gonna Ask Jesus for Midget Porn
Why use Google, when Jesus has all the answers.? 🙂
Not gonna ask Jesus where to find midget porn
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Spotify Hackers Threaten Nickelback List
BFF @YrfBFF
Damn you, hackers! Is nothing sacred!?
Spotify Hackers Threaten to Reveal Full List of Users Who Listen to Nickelback
By Jesse McLaren August 21, 2015
New York, NY- The stock market remains in chaos as a hacker group makes yet another threat to reveal sensitive information from music streaming service Spotify’s databases. This comes one week after the outing of a Florida Congressman as a subscriber to various Creed playlists
PHOTO: Nickelback posing in truckstop bathroom.
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Madison’s Lab Partner
you thought you were having a bad day, at least you’re not Madison’s lab partner…yikesssssss
Today in my bio lab we were doing check swabs and like checking them out under the microscope.. and cheek cells all look like fried eggs. & this girl was like ummm my don’t look anything like that and so the prof walked over and looked at hers and she goes well that’s because these aren’t cheek cells they’re sperm cells
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The Sperm Count
An 85-year-old man had to take a sperm count for his physical exam. The doctor gave him a jar and said, “Take this home and bring back a sample tomorrow.” The next day, the man returned to the office and handed him the jar, which was as clean and empty as the day before.
The doctor asked what happened, and the man explained,
“Well, doc, it’s like this. First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then my left, still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then her left — nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then the teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door, and she tried too — first with both hands, then an armpit, she even tried squeezin’ it between her knees — but still nothing.”
The doctor was shocked. “You asked your neighbor?”
The old man replied, “Yep. None of us could get the jar open!”
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Everything Is Big in Texas
A blind man visits Texas. When he gets to his hotel room, he feels the bed. “Wow, this bed is big!”
“Everything is big in Texas,” says the bellhop.
The man heads downstairs to the bar, settles into a huge barstool and orders a beer. A mug is placed between his hands. “Wow, these drinks are big!”
The bartender replies, “Everything is big in Texas.”
After downing a few, the blind man asks where the bathroom is. “Second door to the right,” says the bartender.
The blind man heads for the bathroom but accidentally enters the third door, which leads to the swimming pool, and he falls in. Popping his head up from under the water and flailing his arms, he shouts, “Don’t flush! Don’t flush!”
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Law School
It turns out law school is a lot like elementary school. They assign you a locker, you meet new friends, and pulling the cute redhead’s pigtails still isn’t as good an idea as you think it is.
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That guy from You’re So Vain
You know, someone should introduce that woman from “Killing Me Softly,” who thinks the guy is singing about her, to that guy from “You’re So Vain.”
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A lot of loud swearing sounds
I don’t know about trees, but when I was alone in the forest and I fell down, I made a lot of loud swearing sounds.
