How do you spot a blind person at a nude beach?
It’s not hard.
Tone: humor
Humor humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Blind at the Beach: Finding Clarity
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How’d you get the black eye?
Two men are sitting next to each other on a train, both sporting black eyes. Naturally curious, the first man looks at the other and says, “So, how’d you get the black eye?”
The other man replies, “Well, it was a Freudian slip.”
“What’s that?” the first asks.
“It’s when you mean to say one thing, but you accidentally say another that reveals what you’re really thinking,” explains the second.
The first man nods. “Oh. So what happened?”
“Well,” says the second, “I was buying my ticket for the train, and the woman at the counter had the biggest boobs I’d ever seen. So when I meant to say ‘two tickets to Pittsburgh,’ I accidentally said ‘two pickets to Tittsburgh’—hence the black eye.”
The first guy laughs and says, “That’s funny, something similar happened to me. This morning, I was eating breakfast with my wife, and I meant to say ‘could you pass the jam,’ but I accidentally said, ‘you ruined my life, you stupid bitch!’” -
A guy finds an old lamp
A guy is walking along a beach and finds an old lamp.
He rubs it, and a genie pops out. The genie says, “I can grant you three wishes, but there’s a catch: your ex-wife gets double whatever you ask for.”
The man thinks and says, “For my first wish, I’d like a billion dollars.”
The genie snaps his fingers. “Done. You have a billion dollars, and your ex-wife has two billion.”
The man says, “For my second wish, I’d like a fleet of the world’s finest sports cars.”
The genie snaps his fingers. “Done. You have ten Ferraris, and your ex-wife has twenty.”
The man pauses, looking very thoughtful. Finally, he says, “For my third wish… I’d like to donate one of my kidneys.”
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Clowning Around with Cannibal Comedy
Two clowns are eating a cannibal.
One turns to the other and says, “Hey, I think we got the joke wrong.” -
From Chicken to Commitment: A Love Story
Five years ago I started a game of Gay Chicken with my friend.
Now we own a dog together, we moved to Vermont to start a cute little bed and breakfast, and we’re thinking of adopting a kid. If he doesn’t give up soon, I think he might actually be gay. -
Struggling in Silence: Identity and Acceptance
I didn’t want to admit I was gay and dyslexic.
I was in Daniel. -
Cheese Wheel Tragedy: A Wedding Day Disaster
A wedding photographer was today tragically crushed by a 200lb wheel of cheese that fell off the catering truck.
The guests all tried to warn him. -
Stop Visiting Those Painful Places!
I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places.
He told me to stop going to those places.
