Tone: irreverent

Irreverent humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Teach a Man to Fish

    Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish and he becomes a lazy SOB who never works because he’s “gone fishin’!” Thanks a lot, genius!

  • Horses Making Love: Farm Education Lesson

    There was a virgin who wanted to marry a farmer boy. One day, she went to his parents’ house for dinner. When they got done eating dinner, they decided to go for a walk through the pasture. While they were walking they came upon the 2 horses that were mating. She looks at them with wonder because she’s never seen anything like this before so she asks the boy, “What are they doing?”

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    He says “They’re making love.”

    “Well, what’s that long thing he’s sticking in there?” she asks.

    “Oh, uh, that’s his rope” he answered.

    “Well, what are those two round things on the other end?” she asks.

    He says “Those are his knots.”

    She says, “Oh, OK I got it.”

    As they continue their stroll, they come to a barn and go in. She looks at him and says, “I want you to make love to me the way those animals were.”

    Surprised and excited, the boy agrees. While they’re getting at all hot and heavy, she grabs his balls and squeezes.

    “Whoa, what are you doing?” he shouts.

    The girl innocently replies, “I’m untying the knots so I’ll get more rope.”

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  • Doctor’s Wife Sets Straight Woman’s Misconceptions

    At a big cocktail party, an obstetrician’s wife noticed another guest, a big, over sexed woman, was making overtures to her husband. But it was a large, informal gathering, so she tried to laugh it off, until she saw them disappear into a bedroom together.

    At once she rushed into the room, pulled the two apart and screamed, “Look, lady! My husband just delivers babies, he doesn’t INSTALL them!”

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  • $50 Every Time

    My current girlfriend loves to give blowjobs. Then again, so would I if I got $50 every time I did it.

  • Accountant’s Creative Job Title Consultation

    A woman walks into her accountant’s office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes. The accountant says, “Before we begin, I’ll need to ask a few questions.”

    He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, “What is your occupation?”

    The woman replies, “I’m a whore.”

    The accountant balks and says, “No, no, no. That will never work. That is much too crass. Let’s try to rephrase that.”

    The woman, “Ok, I’m a prostitute.”

    “No, that is still too crude. Try again.”

    They both think for a minute, then the woman states, “I’m a chicken farmer.”

    The accountant asks, “What does chicken farming have to do with being a whore or a prostitute?”

    “Well, I raised over 5,000 cocks last year.”

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  • Flavored Condom Taste Test Gone Wrong

    I recently tried some of these new ‘flavoured’ condoms. I bought one of each flavour they had, and tried each one in turn every time I got a shag.

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    My girlfriend likes to lick each one before I insert it in her, just to see what flavour I was wearing.

    The first night she said “Mmmmm, Cherry flavour”,
    The second night she said “Mmmmm, Mint flavour”,
    The third night she said “Mmmmm, Strawberry flavour”,
    and so on, until we had reached the final flavour,
    and she said “Mmmmm, Cheese flavour”

    “Cheese flavour ??” I said “I haven’t put one on yet!”

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  • Caviar and a Blowjob

    What’s the difference between caviar and a blowjob?

    No difference — you don’t get either of them at home!

  • Beerfuck Meets Carmen at the Bar

    So this fella spots a nice looking gal in a bar goes up and starts small talk. Seeing that she didn’t back off he asked her name.

    “Carmen,” she replied.

    “That’s a nice name,” he said warming up the conversation, “Who named you, your mother?”

    “No, I named myself,” she answered.

    “Oh, that’s interesting, why Carmen?”

    “Because I like cars, and I like men,” she said looking directly into his eyes. “What’s your name?”

    “Beerfuck!”

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  • Multiple Autobiographies

    The cool thing about having multiple personality disorder is that you get to write a shitload of autobiographies!

  • Doctor, It Only Hurts When I Masturbate

    A man goes to the doctors and says “Doc, you gotta help me!”

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    The doctor says “What’s your problem?”

    The guy says every morning I wake up with my “morning flagpole”.. give the missus a quick one, then go to work. On the way to work I car pool with the next door neighbor’s wife who gives me a blow job during the ride to work.. Once I get to work I do some work and at morning tea time I go into the photocopy room and have it off with one of the young office girls. At lunch I take my secretary out to a hotel and give her a good bonking… For afternoon tea I give the boss’s wife a good servicing.. I then go home and slip the maid a few inches.. Then at night I give the missus another screw……

    “Well” said the doctor. “What’s your problem?”

    The guy says “Well, it hurts when I masturbate.”

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