IF THEY MADE A HAPPY MEAL
BAREFOOT SWEET RED CALIFORNIA RED WINE BLEND
Babybel
GHIRARDELLI INTENSE DARK SEA SALT SOIREE ALMOND
FOR GROWN UPS.
Tone: light-hearted
Light-hearted humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Parsley Farm
I just got hired at a parsley farm.
It’s pretty easy work, but the downside is that they started garnishing my wages.
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Perfect Eyesight
Arthur is 75 years old. He’s played golf every day since his retirement 15 years ago. One day he arrives home looking downcast. “That’s it,” he tells his wife. “I’m giving up golf. My eyesight has become so bad that once I hit the ball, I couldn’t see where it went.”
His wife sympathizes and makes him a cup of tea. As they sit down, she says, “Why don’t you take my brother with you and give it one more try?”
“That’s no good,” sighs Arthur. “Your brother is 85. He can’t help.”
“He may be 85,” says the wife, “but his eyesight is perfect.”
So the next day, Arthur heads off to the golf course with his brother-in-law. He tees up, takes a mighty swing and squints down the fairway. He turns to the brother-in-law and says, “Did you see the ball?”
“Of course I did. Great shot!” answers the brother-in-law. “I have perfect eyesight.”
“Where did it go?” Arthur asks.
“I don’t remember.”
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Mike Tyson’s Religion
How can you tell Mike Tyson does not like religion?
Because he punches everyone on their faith.
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Can’t Win a Mall
I entered a lottery to win an entire shopping center, but I failed.
I guess you can’t win a mall.
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My frog impression
I’ll never forget what my granddad said to me before he croaked.
He said, “Hey kid, wanna hear my frog impression?” -
First Day as a Cop
[First day as a cop]
Me: Suspect is dancing naked through downtown
Dispatch: Copy that
Me: I’ll try but i’m not much of a dancer
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Those Bastards Lied to Me
When you hear the beginning of Under Pressure but it turns out to be Ice Ice Baby
Those bastards lied to me.
