Light-hearted humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
Two police officers stood beside a man who was bitterly crying.
“Wow,” said one police officer, “he must have really loved that car.”
“Not really,” said the other police officer. “It was five years old but fully insured. He’s crying because he just filled his gas tank.”
I was datin’ this girl from Eaton.
Or maybe it was the other way around and she was from Dayton.
I went to a restaurant run by midgets and the service was terrible.
In their defense, they’re short staffed.
I was at the dentist this afternoon for some impressions.
He does a good Johnny Carson but his Frank Sinatra is terrible.
An ant, a spider, and a centipede are holding a party.
The ant realizes that they are running low on beer. He offers to head out to buy some more. The centipede says, “No, let me do it. You’d take too long. I have a lot more legs than you — I can do it faster!” The bugs agree.
Ten minutes pass… then twenty minutes, then thirty, then more. The spider asks, “What’s taking him so long?” The ant decides to head out to investigate. He opens the front door and sees the centipede outside.
The ant asks, “Hey man, what’s taking you so long?”
The centipede replies, “I’m still putting on my shoes.”
Dad one sees dad two:
“oh no! here comes trouble!”
Dad two: “oh boy they let you out of the house?!”
Dads:
“I can’t end my messages with ‘Love, Shaq’, because the B-52s ruined that for me”
~ Shaquille O’Neal
I took my friend to see the world’s biggest fan for his birthday.
He was blown away.
Why are elephants so wise?
It comes with getting long in the tooth.
After spending an hour unclogging the bathtub and sink…
I’m feeling pretty drained.
