John runs into his old friend Gary, who looks like he’s been beaten by a thousand fists.
Now Gary is the nicest guy ever; it’s hard to imagine anyone getting mad at him, let alone beating him so savagely.
I asked, “What happened?!?!”
He explained, “Well, I was on the escalator, and the lady in front of me was wearing a pretty skirt, but it had bunched up between her cheeks, so I gently pulled it out. Then she turned around and slapped me.”
“Wow! Maybe you should have just let it be, but it looks like you got more than just slapped.”
“I know! I knew I messed up, and I felt bad, so when she turned around, I started poking it back in…”
Tone: light-hearted
Light-hearted humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Gary got beat up
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Secrets Whispered: Conspiracy Theories Await!
I went to the library and asked the librarian where I could find books about conspiracy theories. She leaned over and whispered:
“They are right behind you.” -
A Weighty Memory: Words That Stick
Tell your wife she looks great 100 times and she won’t remember. Tell her once that she needs to lose weight and she’ll remember forever.
Because an elephant never forgets. -
How is he?
“Doctor, how is he?”
“Well, he’s had a massive heart attack, and also sustained some bone fractures.”
“Can I talk to him?”
“No, unfortunately, that’s not possible right now. But if you want to tell him anything, I can pass it along.”
“Could you ask him if I passed my driving test?”
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Listening: The Key to Conversation Survival!
My wife screamed: ‘You haven’t listened to a single word I’ve said, have you?’
What a weird way to start a conversation!
