it looks like you’re pregnant
I’m pregnant?!
No, but it looks like you are.
Tone: relatable
Relatable humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Perfect Eyesight
Arthur is 75 years old. He’s played golf every day since his retirement 15 years ago. One day he arrives home looking downcast. “That’s it,” he tells his wife. “I’m giving up golf. My eyesight has become so bad that once I hit the ball, I couldn’t see where it went.”
His wife sympathizes and makes him a cup of tea. As they sit down, she says, “Why don’t you take my brother with you and give it one more try?”
“That’s no good,” sighs Arthur. “Your brother is 85. He can’t help.”
“He may be 85,” says the wife, “but his eyesight is perfect.”
So the next day, Arthur heads off to the golf course with his brother-in-law. He tees up, takes a mighty swing and squints down the fairway. He turns to the brother-in-law and says, “Did you see the ball?”
“Of course I did. Great shot!” answers the brother-in-law. “I have perfect eyesight.”
“Where did it go?” Arthur asks.
“I don’t remember.”
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First Day as a Cop
[First day as a cop]
Me: Suspect is dancing naked through downtown
Dispatch: Copy that
Me: I’ll try but i’m not much of a dancer
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No Thanks I’ll Just Have Water
No thanks, I’ll just have water
Gatorade FIERCE GRAPE .50 20 oz Plastic
Gat rade .50 FRUIT PUNCH
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Those Bastards Lied to Me
When you hear the beginning of Under Pressure but it turns out to be Ice Ice Baby
Those bastards lied to me.
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And Tigger?
Zack Riley @ColdHeart_Prj
My son asked me “Where does poo come from?” I was a little uncomfortable but gave him an honest explanation. He looked a little perplexed, and stared at me in stunned silence for a few seconds and asked, “And Tigger?”
