rob elliott @rockymomax
The amount of cookies I’ve watched the Cookie Monster waste with his bullshit chewing makes me sick
Tone: relatable
Relatable humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Love Shaq
“I can’t end my messages with ‘Love, Shaq’, because the B-52s ruined that for me”
~ Shaquille O’Neal
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Jesus Is Bigger Than COVID-19
Radio Star
Video
JESUS Is Bigger Than tOVID-19
JESUS Is Bigger Than OVID-19
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Happy Meal for Grown Ups
IF THEY MADE A HAPPY MEAL
BAREFOOT SWEET RED CALIFORNIA RED WINE BLEND
Babybel
GHIRARDELLI INTENSE DARK SEA SALT SOIREE ALMOND
FOR GROWN UPS.
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It Looks Like You’re Pregnant
it looks like you’re pregnant
I’m pregnant?!
No, but it looks like you are.
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Perfect Eyesight
Arthur is 75 years old. He’s played golf every day since his retirement 15 years ago. One day he arrives home looking downcast. “That’s it,” he tells his wife. “I’m giving up golf. My eyesight has become so bad that once I hit the ball, I couldn’t see where it went.”
His wife sympathizes and makes him a cup of tea. As they sit down, she says, “Why don’t you take my brother with you and give it one more try?”
“That’s no good,” sighs Arthur. “Your brother is 85. He can’t help.”
“He may be 85,” says the wife, “but his eyesight is perfect.”
So the next day, Arthur heads off to the golf course with his brother-in-law. He tees up, takes a mighty swing and squints down the fairway. He turns to the brother-in-law and says, “Did you see the ball?”
“Of course I did. Great shot!” answers the brother-in-law. “I have perfect eyesight.”
“Where did it go?” Arthur asks.
“I don’t remember.”
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First Day as a Cop
[First day as a cop]
Me: Suspect is dancing naked through downtown
Dispatch: Copy that
Me: I’ll try but i’m not much of a dancer
