Tone: satirical

12> Can never remember the name of that guy she slept with in London. If only there were some way to make a record of when that happened.

11> Olfactory flashbacks from the Arkansas season of “The Simple Life.”

10> People who ask you to sign stolen towels.

9> Thinking that uncool and/or nonrich guys might be jerking off to her video.

8> Getting a paper cut from the envelope while forwarding your $375,000 Amex bill to Dad.

7> Always had to milk the ugly cow during the first season of “The Simple Life.”

6> Jerk waiters who think they’re better than you just because they know how to read those stupid menus.

5> Andy Warhol’s ghost constantly showing up with a stop watch.

4> “Since that pudge skank Nicole lost all that weight, now I look like a *fat* size 4.”

3> When you go to buy a new Bentley and they don’t have one with an interior that complements your dog’s Prada rain slicker?

2> Caterpillars that crawl in one ear and take, like, an hour before crawling out the other side.

And Topfive.com’s Number 1 Paris Hilton Pet Peeve…

1> No Nobel prize for skankery.

[The Top 5 List www.topfive.com]
[Copyright 2005 by Chris White]