(Jilly G.) It finally dawned on me that I had a sex addiction when I found myself asking the pharmacist what I could use to treat penis calluses.
Tone: self-deprecating
Self-deprecating humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Another Easter, another weekend spent tied to some guy’s bed
Another Easter, another weekend spent tied to some guy’s bed performing oral.
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In retrospect, I shouldn’t have screamed and fled the room. I’m
In retrospect, I shouldn’t have screamed and fled the room. I’m pretty sure now that she wasn’t a cannibal after all and was probably just trying to be sexy when she said, “I want you inside me.”
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Sometimes when I’m in the shower, all hot, wet and naked,
Sometimes when I’m in the shower, all hot, wet and naked, soaping up my breasts and having fun with the showerhead, I try and think of ways to incorporate that scene into a filthy Rumination. Unfortunately, no luck so far.
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Those damn IT security Nazis! What I do in my free time with my
Those damn IT security Nazis! What I do in my free time with my laptop is between me and the cleaning lady who digs the tissues out of my trash bin.
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Of all the movie lines I’ve quoted in an effort to pick up a
Of all the movie lines I’ve quoted in an effort to pick up a guy, City Slickers’ “I shit bigger than you” is probably my least successful.
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Something tells me it’s not a good thing when the hooker first
Something tells me it’s not a good thing when the hooker first tells you there’s “absolutely no way” she’ll do anal, then sees your penis and says, “Oh, with THAT? Sure. No problem.”
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(Phil Schwa) I always look at the positives, not the negatives.
(Phil Schwa) I always look at the positives, not the negatives. Today I’m grateful for the 99.9% of the time my anus knows the difference between a gas and another state of matter.
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Keeping your dignity means both knowing what to say and knowing
Keeping your dignity means both knowing what to say and knowing what not to say. That’s why I never talk about my farts, no matter how much they sound like Donald Duck playing the kazoo.
