If I masturbated any more, I’d be a teenage boy. A hot, muscled, hard-bodied teenaged boy. Uh, BRB…
Tone: self-deprecating
Self-deprecating humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Sometimes I feel like a nut, and sometimes I’m more of an ass girl
Sometimes I feel like a nut, and sometimes I’m more of an ass girl.
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When people call me a “fucking idiot,” I consider it a
When people call me a “fucking idiot,” I consider it a compliment. After all, it’s my life’s ambition to do nothing but fuck like an idiot all day long.
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My rules for a night of married sex are now the same rules for a
My rules for a night of married sex are now the same rules for a family evening at home: Don’t block the TV and don’t wake me if I fall asleep.
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I’m terrible at remembering sayings. I can usually come close,
I’m terrible at remembering sayings. I can usually come close, but close only counts in haircuts and handjobs.
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When the realtor told me the house was haunted, I wasn’t too
When the realtor told me the house was haunted, I wasn’t too worried. Either any residual spirits would be gone within the week, or they’d be into watching a guy whack off to chubby-chick porn six times a day, in which case they’re my kind of ghosts.
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I guess I’ll just have to come to grips with the fact that, no
I guess I’ll just have to come to grips with the fact that, no matter how funny *I* think it is, my wife will never appreciate it when I let a few chocolate chips melt in my hand and ask her where the toilet paper is.
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How did the phrase “balls to the wall” come to mean doing
How did the phrase “balls to the wall” come to mean doing something very quickly? ‘Cause if they were my balls, I guarantee you I would be moving much, much slower.
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(Lori Petterson) Like sands through the hourglass, so are the
(Lori Petterson) Like sands through the hourglass, so are the constipation-packed pebble-turds trickling from my butt.
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Sure, a big penis might please the ladies a little more, but it
Sure, a big penis might please the ladies a little more, but it would mean a LOT more work for me when I’m by myself, and that happens WAY more often.
