I’D LIKE THE PORN IN MY ROOM TO BE DISABLED
WE ONLY HAVE REGULAR PORN YOU SICK BASTARD
Tone: shocking
Shocking humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
-
Only Chick Raw Dog
The only chick you can fuck raw dog without having to worry about paying child support
-
Bryan County Bond
BRYAN COUNTY JAIL
WOMAN IN BRYAN COUNTY SUCKS OFF MAN’S PENIS
Doyle Hargraves
HOW MUCH IS HER BOND?
-
Daddy Longlegs Stomps Out Gay Spiders
A little girl was playing in the garden when she spotted two spiders mating.
“Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?” she asked.
“They’re mating,” her father replied.
“What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?” she asked.
“That’s a daddy longlegs,” her father answered.
“So, the other one is a mommy longlegs?” the little girl asked.
“No,” her father replied. “Both of them are daddy longlegs.”
The little girl thought for a moment, then took her foot and stamped them flat.
“Well, we’re not having THAT sort of thing in OUR garden!”
-
Prince Charming’s Pumpkin Problem
Prince Charming gets very drunk at the ball and ends up staggering out of the palace and into the Royal Vegetable Garden. When the Queen realizes that he’s missing, she sends all the palace guards out in search of her son.
In just minutes, the head guard finds the errant prince having a jolly good time thrusting his royal dick into a hole in the side of a large, ripe pumpkin.
“Prince Charming!” cries the guard. “Forgive me for interrupting, but… Do you realize you’re fucking a pumpkin?”
The prince stops what he’s doing and pulls back to examine the violated pumpkin.
“Oh, my,” says the drunken prince. “Is it midnight already?”
-
Potential vs. Reality: A Million Dollar Lesson
A son asked his father: “Dad, what’s the difference between potential and reality?” (a question he was asked at school)
His father replied: “Go ask your mother if she would sleep with the milkman for a million bucks.”
The son did this and returned that his mother would sleep with the milkman for a million bucks. His father said: “Now go ask your sister if she would sleep with the milkman for a million dollars.”
The son did this and later replied: “Sis said that she too would sleep with the milkman for a million bucks.”
His father then said: “Go ask your brother if he would sleep with the milkman for a million bucks.”
The son, getting rather irritated, did this. He returned and said: “Ivor also said that he would sleep with the milkman for a million bucks. I am getting tired of asking people if they will sleep with the milkman. Please tell me, what’s the difference between potential and reality?”
His father looked at him and said: “This family has the potential to make $3,000,000, but the reality is that we have two sluts and a homo in the family.” That’s the difference!
-
Dating the Anatomically Disproportionate Guy
“The guy I dated tonight turned out to be a sadist,” reported the girl.
“You mean literally–whips and that sort of thing?” asked her roommate.
“Worse than that! The creep screwed me with a four-inch penis and then French-kissed me goodbye with an eight-inch tongue!”
-
Fresh Liver Fixes Everything Until It Ends Up in the Sink
It seems that Annie was born with a rather unusually large vagina and therefore has been unable to sustain any sort of long-term relationships because even the most well endowed men soon lose interest because of her inability to satisfy them sexually.
So when a guy from the office whom she really liked asked her out, she decided to take desperate measures. On the way home she stops at the butcher and buys a kilo of fresh liver. She gets ready for her big date and slides that kilo of liver into her box, hoping that it will take up some of the slack, just in case the evening should turn out to be romantic.
Bill picks her up, they go out, dinner, dancing, cocktails, have the BEST time, and sure enough, end up back at her place, have some great sex and fall asleep in each other’s arms.
Annie wakes up the next morning and Bill is nowhere to be seen. She sighs and thinks, “Oh well, I gave it my best shot, I guess I’m doomed to end up an old maid.”
She goes downstairs to make coffee and finds a note on the kitchen table…..
“Dear Annie,
Thank you so much for last night! I had a really GREAT time, and I think you are WONDERFUL!
Sorry I had to leave so early, but I’ll call you later and I hope we can get together again REAL SOON!
Love You,
Bill(P.S. Your cunt’s in the sink)”
-
Beach Woman’s Unexpected Question Ruins Everything
Three guys are walking down the beach when they see this beautiful woman laying naked on the beach. Well the first guy goes over to her and starts making love to her, when she says “What will we name the child?”
Well the guy freaks and runs away.
So the second guy goes over to her and starts doing his thing when she says “What will we name the child?”
He freaks out also and runs away.
The third guy has been watching all this. So he puts on a rubber and goes to do his thing. When she says “What will we name the child?”
He ignores her and keeps on going. She keeps asking but he keeps going. Finally he finishes and pulls off the rubber, ties a knot in the end of the rubber and throws it in the ocean.
He turns to the girl and says “If he gets out of that, we’ll call him Houdini.”
