Tone: shocking

Shocking humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Wayne’s Whore

    A teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class: “What do you want to be when you grow up?”

    Little Wayne says, “I wanna start out as a fighter pilot, then be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest whore, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel throughout Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, and all the while banging her like a loose screen door in a hurricane.”

    The teacher, shocked and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Wayne, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply tries to continue with the lesson.

    “And how about you, Sarah?”

    “I wanna be Wayne’s whore.”

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  • After months and months of begging, I finally got to see my

    After months and months of begging, I finally got to see my long-distance girlfriend’s amazing naked body via webcam today. Now I just pray she doesn’t find the hidden camera.

  • At first I was put off when she invited me back to her place and

    At first I was put off when she invited me back to her place and it reeked of urine. Then when she told me that she doesn’t have pets, I was totally turned on.

  • Well, the test results are back, and it turns out you *can* get

    Well, the test results are back, and it turns out you *can* get a disease from a toilet seat — especially if you have sex with a heroin-addicted hooker on it.

  • I like chicks unshaven down there. No woman who can’t even

    I like chicks unshaven down there. No woman who can’t even support a colony of crab lice is gonna raise MY kids.

  • My wife can’t figure out why I love staying up late to do our

    My wife can’t figure out why I love staying up late to do our taxes. What she doesn’t know is that my process involves writing “I.R.S.” on the forehead of a blow-up doll and repeatedly ramming it in the ass.

  • Don’t you hate it when you get that not-so-fresh feeling and

    Don’t you hate it when you get that not-so-fresh feeling and you’re miles away from the ladies’ room and your panties are bunching up and on top of everything else, your balls itch, too?

  • You know when you send a stupid email, then have to immediately

    You know when you send a stupid email, then have to immediately send another saying, “Oops, I hit send too soon!”? Well, I like to instead write, “Oops, I was playing with my clit and clicked the wrong button!” That way, they totally forget about the stupid email.

  • So which is worse: Telling your wife that her 86-year-old great

    So which is worse: Telling your wife that her 86-year-old great aunt “accidentally” touched your junk when you were pity-dancing with her at the wedding reception, or that you cut off your johnson with a plastic knife in the reception hall’s bathroom in order to make sure such a nightmarish vignette never plays out again?

  • Those damn IT security Nazis! What I do in my free time with my

    Those damn IT security Nazis! What I do in my free time with my laptop is between me and the cleaning lady who digs the tissues out of my trash bin.